I am trying to break your heart

I wish I was better at reading people.

I wish I knew if I should bare my soul.

I wish I didn't feel like I am using t-b-I-g until something better comes along. Because I've found that something better. And it's totally one sided. And since I'm so fucking selfish I cannot let t-b-I-g go wander free, I need him to wait until I am ready to let him go. Because without him I would ultimately be fucking alone.


I wish I could bare my soul. But why ruin a good thing? The risks outweigh the potential benefits.


I feel like an angsty teen. I'm almost 30 and still as fucked up as I was half a life ago. At least back then I still had a fairly bangin' body, before the ravages of drugs and time and crazy took a hold of me. Being single wasn't so bad then because I was never really single. Kind of like now.


Not much has really changed since the half life point. I'm still a slut, I'm just as confused as I've always been, and I'm still destroying those that care about me.



I really like this new(ish) boy. Like really really like. I barely know him. But he affects me in ways that no one else has ever. Is this what love is supposed to be like? Or is it really just the anxiety attack that it feels like?


Love. I've always discounted love, or at least since the dissolution of my last real relationship.
I don't even want to think about this. I don't want to concern myself with useless labels and retarded emotions.


But it's worrisome.


I don't want to scare him away.